The transition from homecare or preschool to kindergarten is a huge change for many kids. But also the parents; from the emotional outbursts, tears, separation anxiety, anger, sadness and feeling guilt, the last thing the parents expect is the after school unexplained meltdowns. Pickup time becomes more challenging as the kids are cranky, obviously tired and not themselves. As a parent it is key to recognize that your child needs space, tolerance and patience during this time. What they are going through in this school chapter is a lot more than what the eye can see as they have to suppress their natural urges and instincts for long amounts of time every day.
Restlessness
You have to understand that this is the first time ever that your child is expected to sit at a desk quietly with maximum attention. They spend their days writing, coloring, crafting with structured play times. For them to be able to participate in all of this, they learn self discipline and obeyance of these new rules. Their mental energy is practically completely running on empty by the end of the day but they may still have a lot of physical energy left.
An hour of testing
A big part of these daily meltdowns, that do not last particularly long, is testing you. Your child may start doing things they have never done just to push your buttons and test boundaries. They may talk back, ignore you, throw their shoes and backpack at the entrance and disobey your asks of them.
They are not however doing this on purpose but as they are in their comfort zone, they have lowered down their self discipline and are mentally exhausted. They are tired, same as you are at the end of a long work day so it is easier to trigger them and for them to trigger you.
Best thing for you to do:
Take note, they feel overly stimulated and have a hard time focusing, especially in beginning of the school year, still adjusting to this new routine. Allow your child the quiet, the space and the rest for the first hour after school pickup. Let them watch their favorite show or even take a quick power nap in their room with their favorite stuffies. Do not force them to talk about their day until they are ready, and they will be just as soon as they regain their mental capacity again. They just need a break.
When you do try to talk to them it is a textbook reply you get: “How was school?” – “Good”. It is okay to let that be it for that moment, do not try to question them further and get them more agitated. It is ok to explain that you understand they are tired and so are you and that is perfectly normal at the end of a long school/work day. Ask them what they would like to do for 30mintutes when the get home to unwind. And then keep it consistent – do that every day and adjust as needed based on your child’s emotional state. Consistency overall in wake up time, bed time, etc are what your child needs to get used to this new structure faster. Eventually they get used to the routine and by Grade 1 it is a whole different story.
Do not forget yourself though. This is just another new milestone and chapter for your child’s development that will stress you out and make you feel more triggered and maybe anxious. Remember meltdowns can be contagious, and you should try to model self discipline to keep yourself calm at these times. This is definitely a testy time which will pass, and in turn some new challenge will come your way. Always be sure to plan for your own heated emotions. This is a major life change for all of you and you should allow yourself and your children grace and time to adjust and then of course, enjoy this SUPER exciting chapter of their life.